Rock Whiplash – Gene Simmons Likes Golden Showers
My first reaction was to vomit but now that I can pee on Gene Simmons’ face, I will most certainly do that instead. The business mogul and money hungry musician is the proud owner of his very own urinal cake that has been distributed to bathrooms all over the country. The urinal cake is an advertisement for his reality show, Gene
Simmons’ Family Jewels. That’s right. So now all you guys won’t be bored when you’re taking a leak; you can read the urinal cake to find out when and where to tune in. And that’s not all folks. This urinal cake talks to you. Yes! If your stream hits Gene just right, you’ll get to hear him talk. Will this man stop at nothing to make a buck?
I’m up for new marketing schemes, but this is just freaking ridiculous. Yes, Gene is the king of merchandising from the coffin to the condoms to god knows what else, but a freaking urinal cake? Come on! And the urinal cake doesn’t advertise KISS; it advertises his show that includes his family. Isn’t that a little offensive to his family? If I were his kids or Shannon, I’d be pissed that he would stoop this low just to gain a few extra viewers. I thought maybe, just maybe Gene had some sort of limit to what he would and wouldn’t do; apparently I was very, very wrong.
Does Gene even have a soul anymore? What’s next? A bidet that cleans my ass to a KISS tune? Thank god I’m a woman and have no business doing my business in a urinal. I don’t want that man or his urinal cakes anywhere near my pee hole.
Do you think Gene Simmons is an idiot for letting these urinal cakes be distributed? Or do you think he’s a marketing genius?
And for fun, can you come up with a KISS urinal song title? Check out Classic Rock Magazine for a pretty funny list. My favorites: Christine Latrine and…Lick It Up.
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